"In honor of National Poetry Month + my impending birthday, I wrote a tone poem to reflect back.
I have always been painfully nostalgic + painfully introspective. Always haunted by the past, while dreaming of the future. I can genuinely say this is the first time in my life where I am finally beginning to live in the present. Maybe it is something that comes with age. Or maybe it comes with being happy. Or with opening your eyes to the wonderful fragments that live all around you.
Either way, the present is a present.
Although every year seems to get better than the last, naturally, it all had to start somewhere:
Red, rusting 7 trains of Queens, how I still need your lessons.
VHS + Bill Watterson, each year we peeled back the layers on our innocence.
Troubled youth + troubled truths.
All those nights we had nothing but our whiskey, dreams + roofs."
What if it's the number of times you have said, "I love you" to someone important? Or the number of times you've watched your favorite movie or listened to your favorite song? What if it's the number of times you've experienced meaningful sex with someone you actually cared about? Or the number of times you have ridden a roller coaster?
Or the number of times you have gotten up off the floor after failure?
Everyone is always complaining about getting older. I embrace this shit like there's no tomorrow. I love that I am OLDER. I am more powerful and more confident than I have ever been before...
Coming to the fork in the road, this time, I drove straight through it.
I've spent too much of my life being defined by labels (American, Korean, Artist, Filmmaker, Gay, to name a few) and listening to direction from both peers + well-wishers, and even from some naysayers (Seriously, wtf was I thinking? I guess I wasn't).
But none of these labels or choices made under outside influence have ever made me more of myself. They did the opposite. They isolated me from my truth.
Truth: I have never been happier than when I have listened to my heart + my gut, regardless of failure.
In 2014, I found myself unable to sleep most nights...