Last Saturday night I was working from a cafe in Itaewon with one of my Homies, the very official Jonah Whipp. We were both struggling to manage our massive workloads. Struggling to feel motivated. And my phone kept buzzing.
I was being asked out to drink + dance by a bunch of friends but I had to turn them down in order to keep working. It was Saturday night. And I was working. Granted, I was working towards my dream. But it just felt awful and hard. And the last thing I wanted to be doing on the coveted Saturday night slot was struggle in a cafe. The muthafxckin struggle is real all week long.
But here we were. Struggling. I imagine that this must happen quite often to anyone who is moonlighting to make a dream into a reality. We're all day jobbing it and taking every free moment we have to further our art or that business we're trying to get off the ground. It's easy to feel left out of "life."
But then it hit me. Why am I the one struggling? I'm hustling. I'm working for a bigger, badder Saturday night. The one made of Movie Premieres and Awards Nights. The Saturday night chilling on a beach of clear water in the middle of nowhere with my team after wrapping a shoot. The Saturday night with my kids + my hubby in the house that I bought with my money doing Game Night.
And when the prospect of these future Saturdays brings me so much joy... How could I possibly see what I am building towards as a struggle? So what, I didn't go out and empty my wallet on drinking + scoring bitches (these hoes ain't loyal, anyway).
I don't want to feel like I missed out on ANOTHER night where friend A met Stranger F, friend B danced on tables and friend D is only about that D. The truth as I now see it is that I'm not actually missing much. It just feels like I'm missing out on another explosive party or meeting another beautiful stranger or some other all too fleeting visceral experience with zero long-term gain. Meanwhile, sitting and hustling with a fellow artist can feel like a chore. How shitty is that logic?
I CHOSE this path to make my dreams come true and do whatever it takes to make it. But I'm also sometimes miserable because of it.
It's easier to play victim to your own discomforts than to keep on trucking with pride. It's the reason most people are in the club instead of the zone. But the truth is, if you are following your passion + dream, then you have to stop looking at THAT particular work as a struggle. And start remembering that it's a hustle. Something you're building.
A hustle leads somewhere. It leads to the dream. The end goal. The struggle is just the struggle. Like lice in a burning wig (Hermes Reference).
I intend to remove the term 'struggle' from my vocabulary. I rather like the idea that when my work is heavy loaded... I'm just hustling, I'm building. I'm growing and I'm adding value to myself. How could that ever be a struggle? Everything is a mindset.
Anyone else out there hustling on a Saturday night?
I fxcks with you.
PS - I am ALL. FOR. DA. CLUBS. But every weekend? #Grown